Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Sometimes this state just flat sucks. (Or, as fark would say: Virginia, having solved all other crimes...)

So I read a little while ago that the General Ass-embly voted to approve a measure whereby "Any person who, while in a public place, intentionally wears and displays his below-waist undergarments, intended to cover a person's intimate parts, in a lewd or indecent manner, shall be subject to a civil penalty of no more than $50." So I've decided that, to celebrate properly, I'm going to wear clean underwear on my head. I can't decide between boxers and briefs, but I think it would be fun to be fined $50 for having undergarments on my head. What a frickin' crock!

Who gets the right to determine a legal dress-code? Is it now against the law to check the mail in boxer-shorts? Who determines "lewd or indecent"? Is the plumber a law-breaker, or does he get away with it because he's in my house? Why isn't it a crime for a woman to walk around in a bra? I swear, people, if you're trying to crack down on gangs, then crack down on gangs. Underwear doesn't kill people: people kill people!

Furthermore, these people who've just become Virginia's Most Wanted will probably look back in a year or two and wonder why they participated in such an absurd fashion. I mean, really, how many of us still think it's cool to tie a flannel shirt around our waists and wear acid-washed jeans? It was a fad, and fads come and go. Fads don't require legislation.

This absurdity reminds me of an article I read last year about a school district banning the color pink. Pink. WTF? Pink was very "in" last year, but some adminstrator feared that pink was a gang color, so they made national headlines by swinging the hammer of justice. Um, yeah... I think I'll start a hard-core gang of thugs, and I'll use pink as our color. Maybe I'll design a cute little hard-core death-row flag that features a pink field with a teddy bear. But now I have to make sure that I provide clean, hard-core bone-thug underwear for my members to wear over their pants.

Sheesh.

2 comments:

Kebab Hunter said...

It's asinine legislation, sure, but look on the bright side: you can now place a redneck under citizen's arrest for plumber crack.

ahamos said...

Ya know, I was excited about that prospect, too, but unless the plumber is working outside, he's not in public.

The real bright-side is that the state Senate has a brain (collectively) and squashed this madness. Can ya say "Amen!"