Thursday, February 03, 2005


So what blows me away about the absurdity of life is the human compulsion to take advantage of a deal. Take my lunch, for example:

I'm eating free pizza. This is my 4th piece, which means I will have eaten half of a 14" pizza when I'm done. Then I'll go and have a piece of free cake.

Do I need to eat like this? No, way. There's no possible conceivable notion that could convince me that this type of eating is necessary, prudent, or morally redeemable in any way. But it's free! And, of course, everybody else knows it's free. Therein lies the conundrum. I could pass on this offer of free food, but other people would get something that I didn't get. That just wouldn't be fair (in my id, this is a thoroughly justified argument). So I must stuff myself to the point of pain, which, in turn, will bring on a food coma, and the entire remainder of the day will be wasted.

But it's free.

Speaking of food, I ate the strangest amalgamation of food last night: a Rochester Garbage Plate. The thing consisted of naked hot dogs -- wait, I should try to describe it from the bottom up.

Layer 1: Various piles lumped around a plate of: cole slaw, potato salad, home fries, meat balls, and baked beans
Layer 2: Two hot dogs, cut in half length-ways
Layer 3: Chili
Layer 4: Cheddar cheese

And a pretty little flag planted in the top (just like Mt. Trashmore!).

Ugh. It didn't taste bad. It was just unholy. If this is what people in Rochester really eat, then I don't have much to fear in terms of losing Social Security benefits to them.

God this pizza is killing me...

1 comment:

Manda said...

You are one funny Pook!

The whole treatise on the American concept of "free" reminds me of the Black Friday shopping experience. All these people who willing gave up time to sleep, relax, epend time with loved ones in order that they might get a "deal" or a few bucks off some shit they probabaly didn't need.

Wub ewe!