Thursday, May 05, 2005

With Power Comes Responsibility

But what I didn't realize was that even inconsequentially small amounts of power come with disproportionately large amounts of responsibility. And that's just retarded.

I've come to realize that Darth Vader ( has a much better take on politics than I: if someone disagrees and is all goobery about it, you crush his trachea with your mind. I've tried it, but I can't make it work. No, I'm reduced to arguing points that can reach a relatively happy medium between what I really believe and what people want to hear.

In essence, I have to lie. And I believe I've already discussed my opinion on lying.

So here's a new part of my developing theory on my benevolent dictatorship: slaughter the whiners, or just export them to Canada (France will do, too). You see, too much time and energy are expended on trying to appease people. The reality is that people have no idea what they want; they must be told by others. This is why we fawn all over new cars every couple of years. It's not "the perfect car". It never is: it's a continuing evolution of our expectations and standards as dictated to us by those who are developing products. For a dictator to be successful, he must simply be a charismatic leader who is firm -- but not brutal -- with his subjects.

Another example of this would be my dictatorship's policy on healthcare: give the obese people of the land 18 months to show a significant weight-loss, or they get lined up against the wall. Sounds brutal, right? Not so! My compassion for their plight stays my hand for 18 months, provides programs to assist those who want to lose the weight, and ultimately saves billions and billions of public money that would otherwise go to the long-term care of fat people. Those who whine and insist that "fat is beautiful" will be lined up and, um, eliminated, thus ensuring that their perversion of the human form and absurd notions of what is right are not continued. It's a win-win scenario: the public saves money, saves lives, and reduces the PC overhead.

"That's horrible", you say? No, it's not: society has simply not formed your expectations in this manner. There are plenty of civilizations on our planet that would welcome such liberalism, in comparison to their extant governments. And the amusing thing is that children from oppressed nations are typically considered the best behaved and most attentive. Oppression gets results.

Progress gets whiners.

OK, I see people getting steamed about wholesale slaughter of the obese, so I'm willing to compromise: we'll send them to the labor camps. That'll fix 'em.

Moving on to debt. What's so wrong with debtors prisons? Consider: in our current society, any idiot can spend 3 times what he'll make in his lifetime, then say, "Oh, gee, I can't afford all of that; I think I'll declare personal bankruptcy and start anew." Um, no, thank you, please put your back against the wall. Personal bankruptcy is destroying two critical elements of society: a properly functioning economy, in which people are properly re-imbursed for goods and services, and personal responsibility, in which people feel guilt for screwing up royally.

In my dictatorship, if you spend your weight in gold and can't back it up with cash, you'll be put to work. Hard work. The work you do will be remunerated, in the form of funds paid to the courts, who will then ensure that those filing claims against your lazy a** will get their money. And your sentence will end when you're all paid up. I'll even get all warm and mushy and try to secure employment for all debtors coming out of prison. And debtors prison will not preclude any man or woman from holding office. After all, it's about learning from your mistakes.

So vote for me, and we'll restore some serious personal responsibility to this country. Who knows, we might even get some exciting Public Works projects tackled (a la Germany's Autobahn system). It's gonna be a good time, until I get assassinated (as any proper visionary leader should)...

1 comment:

Manda said...

My little dictator-to-be! I'm so proud.