After just over a month of regression, we're back on track. Alastair and I have been working hard, as have his grandparents and sitters, on getting back to July.
Cajoling, bribery, offerings at the deity of poop, you name it, we've tried it. Friday morning we had a moment that stuck. I told him that he needed to work on telling us when he needed to poop--that if he managed to get through that one day without pooping in his pants, we would go to a birthday party at a bouncy-castle place. 3 minutes later, he pooped in his pants. Not the recent smears, but real honest poop. I cleaned him up, made him poop on the potty, and left for work. But I didn't wave goodbye to him. Oversight or anger--didn't matter.
Last night when I got home, he'd been really good about pooping a little bit throughout the day, and he pooped really well twice for me before bed, each time telling me that he wants me to always wave when I'm leaving.
Today we had no fewer than 3 poop adventures, and we kept the same diaper clean and dry all day long.
And he's been quite proud of himself all day for it. He's been showering me with affection, and while the day wasn't perfect (he was trying to push a little girl this morning with his belly--believing that it wasn't pushing since he wasn't using his hands), our potty times have been flawlessly executed, without acrimony.
There's been no evidence of desire to avoid the potty, no time-wasting once there, and he's just been in a great mood about it.
And this is actually where we were a month ago, before we both got sick and went on vacation. While I loved our vacation, I think the timing of it and our shared illness threw him off. He started hoarding and holding it again, and before long we were back to full-on constipation, in spite of the Miralax.
There's been little further discussion of the Special School, though he did ask me the other day where it is. I told him West Virginia. He said he thought it was in Alaska.
10 comments:
WAIT - you didn't wave goodbye to your son and no one has called CPS???!! whoa. WHOA. ;p
Woo hoo! Congratulations!
You are the parent I never want to be. Im sorry about your wife, but please work on being a better person. You seem like a very angry, mean person. Your little boy needs all the love and kisses and happiness he can get....SO give it to him! Life is short and you need to make this little guys childhood a little better.
Good luck,
Wendy
Ouch! Come on, don't withhold affection from your son....ever!
Please lighten up.
Really, folks? I didn't wave.
We hugged, we kissed, but I didn't wave.
And lemme tell ya, nobody is the parent they want to be. The parent you want to be is firm but always manages to remain best buddies with the kids. The parent you want to be never has to make tough choices, face loss, or be challenged. The parent you want to be will never have to square off against an intelligent toddler or a teenager. The parent you want to be knows how to make all the best meals and never has to kvetch about eating vegetables.
As a parent, I have an obligation not only to support my son with his feelings over the loss of his mother, but also to keep him on track to become a healthy child. He'd managed to constipate himself despite laxatives. PRESCRIBED laxatives. Nobody's gonna give a shit about his mother's death when he's still crapping his pants in the 3rd grade.
Oh.My.Lord. For crying out loud, people!! To the two anonymous commentors - didn't anybody ever tell you to never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes? This is a guy who obviously loves his kid like crazy and is just trying to do the best he can under circumstances I hope neither of you ever have to deal with. Is your comment kind? Is it helpful? No? Then how about keeping it to yourself.
Seriously, Mr.A - all the best to you. You sound like a great father and your son is very lucky.
You know, people need to lighten up. EVERY parent does things to screw up their kids. Some learn from their mistakes, some don't. Some mistakes are big, some are little. But at the end of the day, I believe that Little A knows that he is loved, and even though there have been some huge changes in his life, on some level he knows his father wants the best for him.
Not waving to him on this day, especially after hugs and kisses, will not leave your child sobbing to a therapist when he is 45.
Anonymous parents need to be bitch slapped...seriously! I think Adrian is probably one of the best dads ever, give him all the credit he deserves!
Cindy
Wow, this got all judge-y real quick. It's a wave. Takes a hell of a lot more than one day of not waving to mess a kid up. Some of you people need to lighten the hell up and quit being so Judgey Judgerson.
Mr. A, I think you do quite fabulous with Little A.
So I'm just going back and reading. Do you know this anonymous (who then signed "wendy")? Who knows who the other person is.
Your response was great. No anger felt in it, just real information - and heart. Those of us who know you know how much you love Alastair. It was one day, one wave...
Wish I knew Wendy because I'd have some things to say to her. Hopefully she'll forget to wave one day and realize it happens. You don't beat your child...you don't punish him for no reason...I'm not even sure you use spanking at all.
Wendy - if you read this. I knew Adrian's wife most of my 31 years. I knew her as a mom. I've known Adrian for 10 years or so. I knew him pre-fatherhood, pre-cancer, pre-death...the road he is walking is one no one would chose to walk. Judge not, lest ye be judged. Go glad God gets to handle yours...
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