Friday, August 14, 2009

Here's the deal

I have a lot on my mind. But I ain't sharing, because every time I do, people get pissed off. Mad props to the last commenter on the previous post--personally I won't even bother to reply when people don't like what they see. Don't like it? Don't read it.

I'm not in a good place, these days. I'm way too easily distracted, and way too many things are coming together at the same time.

I'm going to be at the track for 4 days in 2 weeks, and I've done nothing to prepare. That makes me testy. I'm also "going native" (shifting employment from contractor to contractee) at almost the same time, going through a major overhaul of our work systems, and still floundering as a single man with a toddler. Summer is coming to an end, and with it my lock on stable overnight child-care. My son and I are still getting over this bizarre summer cold crap.

I've been having fits and struggles with depression. It's like I'm pushing through some unseen envelope of grief right now. Why now? Why not, I suppose. I'm finding grief to be like that one person you should stop being friends with. The one that shows up unannounced, sometimes with friends, drinks all your beer, and simply expects to be allowed to spend the night. But you can't get rid of them, because they've been your friend since forever, and tie you to your happier memories of yesterday. Well, that and they just won't take a damned hint.


Nicole said...

This makes me sad. I don't like when my friends hurt and I can't help.
Forget the haters. Focus on yo' "fans." :)

Why did you take down the list post?

Kim said...

OK - just went back and read the comments you referred to. First and foremost, screw them. Parents don't always do the right things, and they don't know your daily struggles. Nor are they perfect parents, nor do they have the right to judge. I've read countless books, practice positive discipline, yet still lose my cool. We all do. Especially under stress.

Besides, we'll all screw up the kids somehow anyway - no matter how hard we try not to. Everyone carries scars from chidhood. So you haters need to shut up and move on.


Anyway, I'm sorry I have no wise words to share. I'm here if you need a shoulder, I'm happy to help with Little A whenever you need a break. Grief comes and goes, and at the level you're experiencing it, I'm sure it's enough to knock you down. Stay strong, buddy, and know there's a lot of us rooting in your corner for you as you battle it out.

Change sucks - hope you can find some consistency and routine in life after being thrown so far off kilter with loss, grief, summer and such. Hugs!!

Gilbert said...

Just keep your head up and dont be brought down by negative people.

You the man A.

JamieSmitten said...

You definitely need to cut yourself some slack. Grief does not have a timetable. Get me in the right (bad) mood and I can cry for an hour over the loss of my grandmother (happened in 1995). Deal with the feelings when they come and reach out to your friends if you need a distraction. We are here for you and little A.

Anonymous said...

People have no right to judge...never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins. I guarantee you many of your last "commenters" have not been thru your pain and loss. Hang in there - A will be A-OK!!