Over the last month and a half, my capacity for emotion has been checked. I can't quite explain it, but it was sort of like watching my son being born: the situation was absolutely terrifying, but I was completely detached from it, almost like watching it on TV.
That's how I've felt throughout most of this ride: like it's a TV show. Amanda's not really sick: that woman on the show is sick.
But every once in a while the emotion freight-train comes through town, jumps the tracks, and hunts me down. It did so last night, and with good reason.
Amanda got bad news yesterday. By now you've probably read about it on her blog, but the genetics came back, and she has a chromosomal deficiency: -7. That's one of the big baddies, along with -5 and Q3, which, according to the all-knowing wikipedia, has a 5-year survival rate of 15% and a 78% chance of relapse. It's considered to be in the "adverse" category.
So last night, on our 8th anniversary, we were dealing with these emotions while watching the season finale of House. If you saw it, you know that Amber died. We were wrecked.
Here's how it breaks down for us right now:
Amanda will have biopsy #5 tomorrow. She'll then go in for a follow-up on Friday, and probably be re-admitted early next week. At that point she'll undergo chemo #2, the specific course of which will be determined by the results of tomorrow's biopsy.
Things are not good.
5 comments:
I don't know what to say, but was compelled to let you know you're in my thoughts/prayers, as well as Amanda. While the numbers are bleak, we know that if anyone can make it into those percentages, it's Amanda, and she'll do it with her quirky wit and outstanding strength. Hang in there.
i had read amanda's report on things, but didn't realize it was so bad. i am so sorry for you all, you of course will continue to be in my prayers.
and i saw house and cried through the last 15 minutes.
I am so sorry to read of you and Amanda's plight. My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you. The short time that I ahve been around the two of you has let me know that if any two people can handle and overcome a tough situation, it is you two. Nothing wrong with letting emotions flow, that is what makes us human. Hang in there. Rent a few Abbot and Costello or Three Stooges to help you out if need be. Some experts say laughter is the best medicine.
So I agree with Kim 100%, and I said something similar when talking to Amanda just prior to watching House.
I almost called to see if you guys were watching, but knew I wouldn't hold myself together if I were to talk to her while the show was on.
I even thought about coming to your house and cutting your lines so you wouldn't see what the show was leading up to. Then, I could call you and say, "Oh! You missed the end of House where Amber just totally got better."
We have a cookout either Sunday or Monday with the Stones - which ever day it is not, want to grab some dinner to celebrate our anniversaries?
Love you three!!!
That news is devastating, but I also think Amanda can beat this thing. I am thinking about you guys and looking forward to seeing you next week! Bagels and lox? Special NYC requests?
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