Last Day of Kindergarten

Today is Alastair's last day of Kindergarten. We're super excited for him, but last night I cried a little.

He's gotten to do a whole bunch of amazing things this year, made lots of new friends, and excelled in his academics. In all respects a good start to his schooling.  But getting him to tell me about his day has been an epic struggle.  All I ever get is his behavior report, a list of his recess playmates, and maybe what main class they had that day (if I'm lucky).

So I was really excited when I found out they'd been keeping journals at school. I figured the contents would be very basic, and they were, but they were so full of insights into my little guy. Insights I hadn't experienced before, which tore me up.

I realized last night while looking through his pictures that I'm already losing him. I know his favorite colors are blue and black, but I had no idea his favorite animal was the cheetah, or that it had at one point been the lion.  Small details, but I used to think he told me everything.  I learned that his favorite farm animals are cows, and that he thinks they're funny. His favorite reptile is the crocodile, and his little pictures of them are ADORABLE. He loved the zoo and Disney World and has really enjoyed the time he's gotten to spend with K. He even included her in his description of his favorite event of the school year: their second field trip on which K was a chaperone.

The fact that there could be so many revelations in a book of maybe (maybe) 20 short sentences and doodles just floored me. How could he have grown so much? How could he have secrets? Why doesn't he share with me? Have I created a wall between us? So many questions to fill my soul with self-doubt!

I know he loves me, and I know he tells me what he can think to tell me, and that there's a TON of stuff going on in that little head, but I want so desperately to share in every moment of his brief youth. But I also want him to be independent. Being a parent is the most wonderful miserable experience.

But enough of that: today I am infinitely proud of my little guy. 9 months ago he'd never done a full day of school, and in 3 months he'll be a first grader! Today, however, he's a kindergartner, and I'm gonna squeeze him and love him like crazy.